NOW YOU HAVE MY ATTENTION

It’s Wedding Season and I feel like Vince Vaughn: Fired up and ready to party. 

Here’s a guide on what to do and not do from the movies

Finding Out About the Wedding

• Do: Bury your anxiety and drink up like Annie in “Bridesmaids”
• Do Not: Hatch an evil plan to break them up like Julianne in “My Best Friend’s Wedding”

Who to Invite

• Definitely invite Kristin Scott Thomas from “Four Weddings and a Funeral” because she’s elegant and always rocks the black so it won’t clash

• Definitely do not invite Steve Buccemi from “The Wedding Singer” unless he’s on the wagon.

Small Wedding

• Good: “Romeo + Juliet.” That amazing choir soloist!

• Bad: “Kill Bill Part 2” obviously

Big Wedding

• Good: “Coming To America”  Now that’s a royal wedding!

• Bad: “The Princess Bride”  Having a 100 year old bishop and an old heckler can’t be good

Crashing The Wedding

• Like a Champion: Vince Vaughn and Owen Wilson in “Wedding Crashers”

• Like a Stalker: Christina Applegate and Cameron Diaz in “The Sweetest Thing”

Perfect Gift If You’re Cheap:

• Lend the couple “The Way You Look Tonight” as their wedding song like Julianne in “My Best Friend’s Wedding”

Perfect Gift If You’re Not Cheap

• Buy them a house next door like in “My Big Fat Greek Wedding”

Rehearsal Dinner Toast

• Do: After telling a guy to f*&k off, give a sweet toast using the bride’s name like Samantha in “Sex and the City”
• Do Not: Use the time to talk about your drug problem and publicly apologize as part of AA steps like Kym in “Rachel Getting Married”

Perfect Wedding Date

• Paul Rudd in “Clueless”

Not Quite Perfect Wedding Date

• Vera Farmiga in “Up in the Air”

You’ve Been Pissed at the Bride This Whole Time

• Do Not: Make a passive aggressive PowerPoint proving the bride has lied to the groom about being a vegetarian and loving dogs like Jane in “27 Dresses”

• Instead: An all out destruction of her wedding shower and giant cookie like Annie in “Bridesmaids”

Pre-Wedding Gitters

• Do: Have a heart to heart with George Clooney and resolve with an airplane analogy like in “Up In The Air”
• Do Not: Get wasted and go to your ex girlfriend’s house like Taye Diggs in “The Wood”

Wedding Dancing

• Do: Tasteful but fun like George and Julianne in “My Best Friend’s Wedding”
• Do Not: Basically hump the bridesmaid in public view of all like Vince Vaughn in “Wedding Crashers”

Wedding Toast

• Do: Quote Owen Wilson “True love is your soul’s recognition of it’s counterpoint in another”
• Do Not: Make confusing vampire and sex jokes like “ I’d like to propose a toast, to my new sister. Bella, I hope you’ve got enough sleep these last 18 years ‘cause you won’t be getting anymore for a while.” like in “Breaking Dawn Part 1”

Interrupting the Wedding

• Do: Scream her name and fight people off with a cross like Benjamin in “The Graduate”

• Do Not: Say the bride’s hair looks like a bird’s nest after declaring your love like in “Made of Honor”

Leaving Your Fiance at the Altar

• Do: Leave a note and peace out like Mary Jane Watson in “Spider-Man 2”

• Do Not: Get your deaf brother to out you for not loving your fiance like in “Four Weddings and a Funeral”

Final Advice

• Hire Franck Eggelhoffer

HAPPY WEDDING SEASON!